Skip to main content

Posts

Showing posts from August, 2019

Castle Track-a-lot

As the wondrous, (totally) bona fide folklore of the British Isles describes it, atop the mythical hilltop of Glastonbury Tor, King Arthur convinced his brother from another motherMerlin to abandon sorcery, and embrace the power of single-board computers, GPS and cloud computing. While the other wise knights at the "totally inclusive" round table discussion continued to remain sceptical of the relevance of blockchain in resolving all of the medieval world's ailments, such as war, famine, plague and unbearable dandruff.  All except Percival, the head of marketing at Camelot Inc, for whom this quarter's bonus was contingent on him selling more distributed ledger solutions to stonemasons, roofers and ironmongers.  But that particular subreddit is for another day.

Because there was a number of matters the court did all unanimously agree on during one of their daily stand-ups, in front of their kanban board littered with squirrel hide.  The 2004 film of their deeds hilar…

Gold filling

What could possibly be worse than a routine trip to a dentist that culminates in the "surprise" discovery of a gargantuan dental cavity that needs to be treated?  Like, urgently.  Of course, there are some things that we can think of off the top of our aching heads; like if our local pharmacy announced that they will only accept payments in cryptocurrencies, or if there was a world wide shortage in quality I.P.A., otherwise known as ibuprofen, paracetamol and aspirin. 

But - arguably - staggering home after the expensive appointment with a face paralysed from anaesthetics, only to find that we have a mysterious gap in our sensor data is worse.  Much worse.  Because - like teeth - lost sensor readings when gone, are gone forever.  But unlike decaying teeth, they cannot be partially filled.  Or repaired. And if these are minutely temperature measurements from that smart, Internet-connected, integrated thermometer thingummy attached to the compost bin outside, well, our entir…

Pear force one

Picture this highly original screenplay.

It's the glamorous closing ceremony of The London Patriot Games 2012, and to the horror of all lucky ticket holders who managed to avoid the preliminary heats of race walking, the sum of all fears has materialised.  The pearesidential, armoured space hopper codenamed red rabbit has gone missing, and under clear and present danger, an executive order has been broadcast out on the widely muted Slack channel #yetanotherworldcrisis. To begin the hunt for its precious cargo with the ominous NATO call-sign: red movember.  Worst of all, Harrison Ford (or a slightly less effective Ben Affleck) is nowhere to be seen to save the world (again) from a certain James Cameron-scale disaster... due to prior filming commitments.  It might even have been for Titanic II: Just The Tip of the Iceberg.

Not good.  Not good at all.

Or to quote a line from Tom Clancy's yet to be released novel about a crack team of six rainbow-coloured, juiced-up fruits that …